Thoughts of Becoming a mother

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother

There are women that become mothers without effort,
without thought, without patience or loss and though
they are good mothers and love their children,
I know that I will be just as good a mother.

It will be not because of genetics, 
or money or that I have read more books but because I have
struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have
appreciation are those who have struggled to attain
their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and
discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for
the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night
to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort,
hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take
another temperature, pop another pill, take another
shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be
crying for me.

I count myself blessed in this sense; that God has given
me this insight, this special vision with which I will
look upon my child that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless
with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.
I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter,
neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my
own body.

I have been tried by fire and hell many
never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won. 

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from
their pain in order to save myself discomfort. 
I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, 
I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of
another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that
moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and
when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion
that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes I will be a wonderful mother.


~Author Unknown

Always on my mind...

Here it is 1 o'clock in the morning, and I'm awake. Soo much on my mind lately. Working on Faith N' Fertility and getting it up and running as a business,  so it's not just a "silly Facebook page" anymore. Amy and I have taken quite the " Leap of Faith", and I just hope and pray that it is everything God wants it to be. We have set such a high standard for what we want FNF to be, but who am I kidding...this is Gods business and He has merely entrusted Amy and I to be the "managers" of it. I just pray that she and I are able to keep up with all God has in store for FNF. Amy and I speak daily (sometimes hourly) on how flabbergasted we are that God has given us this enormous blessing out of our personal suffering. It seems like lately good news knocks at our door quite often, she and I both know its not luck...it's a God thing!! Please help us in praying that FNF is all that God would have it to be. It is our mission to break down the silence of infertility and to be able to help families achieve the dream of having a child.


Also lately I have really been thinking about my "freezer babies" in Missouri. I have some anxiety about them. I'm in Indiana, they are in Missouri. They have been there since February. Are they ok? I play the "what if" game, over and over in my head. This is why I hate infertility. You never get a break from it. Not even at 1:11am! I am sitting here thinking about my "freezer babies", which leads me to thinking of the 3 I have already lost. Which takes me back to February, my last miscarriage. Had I not miscarried I would be 2 weeks away from becoming a mommy! Darn it!


I feel like I am in the same spot as I was in, in March. I know nothing more about my infertility as I did then. Why is that? I worry about that. I need to become more of my own patient advocate. I need to do this for my 4 "freezer babies". A few posts back I said I never wanted to become "that" patient. Well after some thought...and no return phone calls. It appears I will have to. I just feel uneasy about things. I think its time I become more proactive.


I never wanted to be an "older mom". This is not the life I wanted for David and I. I had a friend say to me last week, "We're not getting any younger", and that sure did hit me. I'm 32 years old, my husband is 35. This was not our plan. However, I have faith. Faith is trusting and believing in something that we cannot yet see. I do thank the Lord for my faith. He has blessed me with a very strong faith. I know that I am walking through this "journey" by faith...not by sight. I know my day is coming that He will light my way. I cannot wait for that day!


Thank you all for you love and support through this long, tiresome journey. Many of you are on it yourself. I pray for you all daily. I connect with your pain, I know your fears and anxieties. Remember, there is ALWAYS hope, ALWAYS!


If anyone is reading this who is going through infertility or pregnancy/infant loss and has not connected with us on Facebook, please find us at: Faith N' Fertility Journeys!


I came across this song and it really says how I feel with my journey through infertility.  Enjoy!

Blessings,


Lo

Always on my mind...

Here it is 1 o'clock in the morning, and I'm awake. Soo much on my mind lately. Working on Faith N' Fertility and getting it up and running as a business,  so it's not just a "silly Facebook page" anymore. Amy and I have taken quite the " Leap of Faith", and I just hope and pray that it is everything God wants it to be. We have set such a high standard for what we want FNF to be, but who am I kidding...this is Gods business and He has merely entrusted Amy and I to be the "managers" of it. I just pray that she and I are able to keep up with all God has in store for FNF. Amy and I speak daily (sometimes hourly) on how flabbergasted we are that God has given us this enormous blessing out of our personal suffering. It seems like lately good news knocks at our door quite often, she and I both know its not luck...it's a God thing!! Please help us in praying that FNF is all that God would have it to be. It is our mission to break down the silence of infertility and to be able to help families achieve the dream of having a child.

Also lately I have really been thinking about my "freezer babies" in Missouri. I have some anxiety about them. I'm in Indiana, they are in Missouri. They have been there since February. Are they ok? I play the "what if" game, over and over in my head. This is why I hate infertility. You never get a break from it. Not even at 1:11am! I am sitting here thinking about my "freezer babies", which leads me to thinking of the 3 I have already lost. Which takes me back to February, my last miscarriage. Had I not miscarried I would be 2 weeks away from becoming a mommy! Darn it!

I feel like I am in the same spot as I was in, in March. I know nothing more about my infertility as I did then. Why is that? I worry about that. I need to become more of my own patient advocate. I need to do this for my 4 "freezer babies". A few posts back I said I never wanted to become "that" patient. Well after some thought...and no return phone calls. It appears I will have to. I just feel uneasy about things. I think its time I become more proactive.

I never wanted to be an "older mom". This is not the life I wanted for David and I. I had a friend say to me last week, "We're not getting any younger", and that sure did hit me. I'm 32 years old, my husband is 35. This was not our plan. However, I have faith. Faith is trusting and believing in something that we cannot yet see. I do thank the Lord for my faith. He has blessed me with a very strong faith. I know that I am walking through this "journey" by faith...not by sight. I know my day is coming that He will light my way. I cannot wait for that day!

Thank you all for you love and support through this long, tiresome journey. Many of you are on it yourself. I pray for you all daily. I connect with your pain, I know your fears and anxieties. Remember, there is ALWAYS hope, ALWAYS!

If anyone is reading this who is going through infertility or pregnancy/infant loss and has not connected with us on Facebook, please find us at: Faith N' Fertility Journeys!

Blessings,

Lo



If an

Call me Martha!!

Hello friends!! I just have to share with you what I made today!! Sometimes all this infertility talk is "oh soo heavy", so today lets talk  CRAFTING! So over this past week I saved a few toilet paper and paper towel rolls and made christmas ornaments!! They were SUPER easy and fun to make! All you do is flatten the tube out, cut them in strips, then glue them together! I used a hot glue gun. Just thought I'd share with y'all, let me know what you think!!!

Pause...

These past few weeks/months I have sorta felt like my life is going in slow motion. Like someone pushed the pause button. It seems as though soo much is going on around me, however I am standing still in the middle of it all.

Shameless Plug!!

Hey there!! Using my blog to do a very quick, shameless plug for my husband! 


We have started a blog for David. I have convinced him he is too talented in woodworking for it to go to waste. He is going to be taking orders for wood projects. We will post pictures as he completes them. He always gets people wanting him to make them things so we thought why not start a little hobby business on the side for him!! Feel free to follow his blog and pass it along!! :)  http://whitebarndesigns.blogspot.com

Enjoy!! See, that was quick! LOL!

Blessings, 

Lo

I don't wanna be "THAT" patient!!

I usually am not one to anger easily, however, lately some things have really "tripped my trigger", so to speak. I am just wondering if it this way for everyone. I know medical professionals are very busy people (I know because I am one of them) so TRUST me I can relate to being busy! However, I just don't get why some offices just cannot return a phone call? What is the expectation for a call to be returned nowadays? How can larger offices/providers offices keep that "personal feel"? What do you do if your call is not returned? Call them back? Then if you call them back you risk becoming "THAT" patient! I don't want to be "THAT" patient. I just want to not feel forgotten, I want to feel important. How do you communicate with your physician? Do you find it works?


I would LOVE feedback, and advice on how to not become "THAT" patient, but rather have my calls returned, my questions answered, and my appointments made.


Thanks y'all!!!


Lo

What's your Story?

Ya know...I have had this feelings, feelings that I don't so much care for. I am praying my way through these feelings, as I'm quite certain prayer is the only solution. I have been having these feelings like, what am I doing? Who am I? What's my story? I feel like I have no story. I feel boring.

My stats: I am 32 years old, been married almost 7 years. I am a christian. I live in a 2 story farm house with a barn. I have 1 dog. I am a respiratory therapist. I have no (earthly) children.

I know I should focus on what I have, I get that...but I don't. I haven't been. I see all the pictures, and hear all the stories of families playing ball, first day of school, positive pregnancy tests, deliveries, adoptions, dance recitals and vacations. I don't have that. I wake up, go to work, come home, make dinner for dave and I, watch TV, work on the computer, go to bed, repeat. I have no story.

When will I get a story? When will I get to fill up photo albums, go on school field trips, see my baby on an ultrasound, get a plus sign on a pregnancy test? When will I get to plan birthday parties, call my mom grandma, and put a princess bandaid on a skinned knee? When will my story include leaving cookies for Santa, making snow angels in the snow or wiping a runny nose? When can I tell my story? I suppose when I get one...

I know God is working in my life. I feel Him. However, I also know that just when God tries to do something great, thats when the devil raises his evil head. The Devil keeps telling me lies, he makes me feel hopeless. He steals my story.

However, through prayer, God has helped me realize that he is still on the first "chapter" in my story. He has helped me to understand that not every story is the same. Really, if you think about it...how boring would it be to go to the library and it has all the same books and stories? Super boring, right? My story, is not your story. I must admit, sometimes I wish I had a different story. A story of family and children. However, I don't. Not yet, but I know God isn't through writing. He is going for a "best seller". This comforts me, His promise comforts me.

So, I encourage you to ask yourself- What’s your story? Is God still writing your story? What chapter do you think he's on? Can you use your story to be part of the greater story around us? How are we sharing it with the world?

I came across this song and in this song it says; "So what’s your story about God’s glory? How are you letting your life speak to the world?"

Blessings,

Lo

So what's my story...

Ya know...I have had this feelings, feelings that I don't so much care for. I am praying my way through these feelings, as I'm quite certain prayer is the only solution. I have been having these feelings like, what am I doing? Who am I? What's my story? I feel like I have no story. I feel boring.

My stats: I am 32 years old, been married almost 7 years. I am a christian. I live in a 2 story farm house with a barn. I have 1 dog. I am a respiratory therapist. I have no (earthly) children.

I know I should focus on what I have, I get that...but I don't. I haven't been. I see all the pictures, and hear all the stories of families playing ball, first day of school, positive pregnancy tests, deliveries, adoptions, dance recitals and vacations. I don't have that. I wake up, go to work, come home, make dinner for dave and I, watch TV, work on the computer, go to bed, repeat. I have no story.

When will I get a story? When will I get to fill up photo albums, go on school field trips, see my baby on an ultrasound, get a plus sign on a pregnancy test? When will I get to plan birthday parties, call my mom grandma, and put a princess bandaid on a skinned knee? When will my story include leaving cookies for Santa, making snow angels in the snow or wiping a runny nose? When can I tell my story? I suppose when I get one...

I know God is working in my life. I feel Him. However, I also know that just when God tries to do something great, thats when the devil raises his evil head. The Devil keeps telling me lies, he makes me feel hopeless. He steals my story.

However, through prayer, God has helped me realize that he is still on the first "chapter" in my story. He has helped me to understand that not every story is the same. Really, if you think about it...how boring would it be to go to the library and it has all the same books and stories? Super boring, right? My story, is not your story. I must admit, sometimes I wish I had a different story. A story of family and children. However, I don't. Not yet, but I know God isn't through writing. He is going for a "best seller". This comforts me, His promise comforts me.


So, I encourage you to ask yourself- What’s your story?  Is God still writing your story? What chapter do you think he's on? Can you use your story  to be part of the greater story around us?  How are we sharing it with the world? 


I came across this song and in this song it says; "So what’s your story about God’s glory?  How are you letting your life speak to the world?"