Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Room 110

Ok, so We're FINALLY here in Missouri!! I can't believe it! Amy and I left Indiana on Sunday around noon and it took us a little over 5 hours to get here. The car ride actually went fast this time. We were kind of nervous how we would do. It was the first trip that our darling husbands weren't the ones behind the wheel. It was just us girls. Dave's last words to me were "just get on 69 south, and follow your GPS..." so after Amy and I said our goodbyes and took off, you can imagine my embarrassment as I realized I was heading NORTH on 69. Needless to say, I haven't mentioned this to Dave. Amy and I made it about 45 minutes down the road before our bellies were telling us they were hungry. Just a side note...these infertility meds seriously make me want to devour everything I can get my hands on. Most every ivf women I have spoken with agrees. We have bottomless pits. So, Amy and I decided since we were hungry we would stop at McDonalds, grab some drive thru, and keep truckin down the road. As Amy and I were unwrapping all of our food and began munching on our McDonalds, Amy grabbed her Coke and somehow the styrofoam cup got a huge puncture hole in the side of it. Coke was pouring out of the cup like a garden hose. We instantly starting playing "Hot Potato" with the oversized cup. Amy passed it to me, then me back to her, then her to me...I was desperate at this point and heaved it out my window, while traveling down I-69. I hate littering, but this was an emergency!
During our car ride Amy read aloud the "Multiple Blessings" By Kate Gosslin, how fitting, as we are both secretly hoping for twins. It helped to pass the time along. We jammed out to some of my WOW worship CD's, this got us pretty pumped up. Kinda neat to have 2 wanna be mama's singing their guts out for the Lord while cruising down the highway!
So we arrived in MO around 5pm and were escorted to our room, Room 110. They obliged us our request for the largest room available during our last visit. So we were excited to see what Room 110 had to offer, as it was going to be our "Home" for the next 2 weeks. To our dismay Room 110, was a HOT mess!!! Upon entrance into the room, I was slapped in the face with a smell that resembled Daves sweaty gym bag. The old carpet had holes, as did both comforters, The laminate was ripped away from the kitchen counter tops. Needless to say, this was not going to work. We decided that room 110 just wasn't going to cut it. Amy, bless her heart, tried to comfort me by saying there are children that sleep on dirt floors. In the end, she caved too, and we quickly returned Room 110's key to the check in clerk. We told him we were willing to give up "space" for "luxury & esthetics". They were quick to oblige us and put us in a much nicer room. Its only problem was the smell. Thank God for room spray and Bath and Body works candles!!!
So Amy and I unpacked all of our things in our new "Fancy" room and crashed, as the next day, Monday was our first appointment with Dr. S.
Monday arrived and we were soo excited to see how our bodys were responding to the medications that we have been on. When we arrived at Fertility Partnership, we were greeted by Dr. Simckes with a great big bear hug. He's a hugger! Amy and I decided since our hubby's weren't here this week that we would go into each others appointments. I was up first, Dr. Simckes came in. He was bright eyed and bushy tailed (as always), this is always soo encouraging to me. so he came into the room, big hugs again, and then down to business. Started my ultrasound, and he said he was very pleased with my progress. My follies were responding to the medication. I had at least 10 on each side, he said this was great!! He kept my medication the same, and he'd see me on Wednesday. Next up was Amy, she also got a good report. (follow her journey at
Soo sleepy tonight, catch ya all up on the rest of our happenings tomorrow!

Love and baby dust,

Thursday, February 10, 2011

What God Meant...

What God Meant
Author Unknown

What do I think God meant when He gave me infertility?

I think He meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. 

I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down.

I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols.

I think God meant for us to find a cure for fertility. 

No, God never meant for me to not have children.

That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on.

I've been placed on the road less traveled, and like it or not, I'm a better person for it.

Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let Him down.

Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God singled me out for special treatment. 

I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.

While I would never have chosen infertility, I cannot deny that a fertile woman could ever experience the joy that I know awaits me.

Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own.

And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice, I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when He handed me infertility. I already know."

Mommy don't be sad today...

"Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here."

A friend of mine sent this to me yesterday. It really touched my heart!

I thought of you and closed my eyes,
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother,
And I know I heard him say:
A mother has a baby,
This we know is true.
But, God, can you be a mother,
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can he replied,
With confidence in his voice.
I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for a day.
And some I send to fill your womb,
But there's no need to stay.
I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here.
He took a breath and cleared his throat,
And then I saw a tear.
I wish that I could show you,
What your child is doing today,
If you could see your child smile,
With other children who say:
We go to earth and learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My mommy set me free.
I miss my mommy oh so much,
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
"Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here."
So you see my dear sweet one,
Your children are ok.
Your babies are here in My home,
They'll be at heavens gate for you.
So now you see what makes a mother.
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of,
Right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize you are a mother,
until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day,
And you'll know that you're the best one!
~Author Unknown

Thursday, February 3, 2011


Ok, Ok, so thus far I have proved to be a horrible blogger. I think I started out pretty good, but somewhere along the way lost steam. Ironically in my last post I was talking about how AF (Aunt Flow) was draining me of energy. So there, there's my excuse, AF!

So let me "rewind" just a bit to catch ya up to present day. Much has happened. Ok so back in November I bleed for 24 straight days. I can't believe I lived to tell you about it. It really was horrible! My AWESOME doctor in Missouri, Dr. Simckes proved I had a polyp via the ultrasound machine and requested I have a D & C once I arrived back in Indiana with my Obgyn. So I gladly did that, I knew that was the only way I was going to get the bleeding to stop. So Nov. 15th I had my D & C. Things went great, bleeding stopped.

We got through the Holidays. This Christmas was extra special, you see my mom is Mrs. Christmas. She really is. She goes crazy! She always has! She says when i was a little girl, one Christmas I got half way done opening gifts and I looked at her and said "Mommy, can I be done now?" Pretty bad when a kid wants to be done opening gifts! So this Christmas said "This is going to be your last BIG Christmas, next Christmas I'm buying for my grand-babies!" I love it! I told her if that's the case, I hope I don't have a darn thing under that tree next year. I hope its all for our babies!

Now lets fast forward to January. Shall we? So D & C went great. They got the polyp. I thought all was well with the good ole uterus. Well, yeah not so much. So I bled for nearly 30 days in Oct-Nov. Then I never bled in December and here it is January. Ugh! So I pick up the phone and call Dr. Simckes office. To my dismay I was told "Well I'm not sure we can save your cycle if you don't start in the next 4 days" Say WHAT!? All this anticipation and excitement and now, now I may not get to do my cycle in February! I felt so defeated! Dr. Simckes office told me to call every day to update them on whether or not AF had arrived. Well long story short 3 days and 12 hours had passed. No stinking AF despite my welcoming attitude. So Shawnie, Dr. Simckes assistant called and said they had good news! That they were going to try something "special" for me, I would start a round of provera to help regulate my hormones. I was over the moon happy! So for the next 10 days I took my provera. I took that darn pill with pride. As it alone was saving my cycle!

This taught me that God soo has this! Like I'm just the Point guard bringing the ball down the court, and God, Well he's the power forward. Every time I pass it off to Him, BAM, SLAM DUNK!!! God, you 'da Man!!!

Love and Baby Dust!