Also lately I have really been thinking about my "freezer babies" in Missouri. I have some anxiety about them. I'm in Indiana, they are in Missouri. They have been there since February. Are they ok? I play the "what if" game, over and over in my head. This is why I hate infertility. You never get a break from it. Not even at 1:11am! I am sitting here thinking about my "freezer babies", which leads me to thinking of the 3 I have already lost. Which takes me back to February, my last miscarriage. Had I not miscarried I would be 2 weeks away from becoming a mommy! Darn it!
I feel like I am in the same spot as I was in, in March. I know nothing more about my infertility as I did then. Why is that? I worry about that. I need to become more of my own patient advocate. I need to do this for my 4 "freezer babies". A few posts back I said I never wanted to become "that" patient. Well after some thought...and no return phone calls. It appears I will have to. I just feel uneasy about things. I think its time I become more proactive.
I never wanted to be an "older mom". This is not the life I wanted for David and I. I had a friend say to me last week, "We're not getting any younger", and that sure did hit me. I'm 32 years old, my husband is 35. This was not our plan. However, I have faith. Faith is trusting and believing in something that we cannot yet see. I do thank the Lord for my faith. He has blessed me with a very strong faith. I know that I am walking through this "journey" by faith...not by sight. I know my day is coming that He will light my way. I cannot wait for that day!
Thank you all for you love and support through this long, tiresome journey. Many of you are on it yourself. I pray for you all daily. I connect with your pain, I know your fears and anxieties. Remember, there is ALWAYS hope, ALWAYS!
If anyone is reading this who is going through infertility or pregnancy/infant loss and has not connected with us on Facebook, please find us at: Faith N' Fertility Journeys!
I came across this song and it really says how I feel with my journey through infertility. Enjoy!